


I'll Never Be Alright

by sixoutoften



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-29 15:03:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixoutoften/pseuds/sixoutoften
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <span class="small">I wrote this for Spencer's 25th birthday... so... yeah</span>
</p></blockquote>





	I'll Never Be Alright

September second is the day Spencer has been dreading for months. It's his 25th birthday, and he knows his friends are going to go out of their way to make him smile.

But he doesn't  _want_  to smile. He wants them all to understand that depression isn't something you can cure with a surprise party.

If it was, he'd have been happy a year ago.

-

There's a party, undoubtedly; Spencer knows because Ryan is bad at keeping secrets.

It'll be more of a gathering of friends than anything, but they'll be happy friends nonetheless, and happiness is the last thing Spencer needs to see right now.

-

Eleven.

Eleven friends are coming over this afternoon, to celebrate Spencer being another year older, another wiser, another closer to death. 

Eleven smiles, twenty-two eyes, hundreds of  _happy birthday_ s and  _cheer up_ s.

Spencer swallows one pill for each of them, eleven.

-

He walks in the room and is deafened by the voices of everyone else, blinded by their gleaming grins.

And he smiles back.

He smiles, because it's the last of his they'll see.

-

Their joy makes Spencer feel physically sick, pained, or, maybe the pills are just kicking in.

-

Spencer's head hurts and he's dizzy by the time they cut his cake.

-

He smiles right into Ryan's face.

Ryan is thinking,  _success_ , but then, so is Spencer.

-

Spencer passes out, right in the middle of the room, right in the middle of his friends and their quickly fading smiles and their failed attempt at making him better.

He doesn't wake back up.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for Spencer's 25th birthday... so... yeah


End file.
